Update...

Well it has been a while since I have updated this. I just don't always think to post here.

The last couple months have been more exciting. I am learning more what it is going to take to really make this happen. I had a really difficult to stand and listen to conversation with a person I deem as my mentor, Gerry Stoltzfoos. We were sitting on our motorcycles outside Chilis after a meeting and I was just hit with a ton. But I needed and willing sat there and listened while balancing my bike underneath me (or was it on the kickstand?). I could go over that conversation but I prefer not as it is still a little painful and I am still processing it a bit, but mostly I have worked through it. As it is, I left for vacation not long after that conversation and took the time to process many things. Like, if not ministry... then what? Am I really going after what I believe God has put on my heart to do. What about going after my natural gifts? Well... during my vacation the Holy Spirit reminded me of His word.

1 Corinthians 1:27 : "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."

2 Corinthians 12:9,10: "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

So it has nothing to do with my abilities, or at least little to do with my abilities. But more a matter of what God has just recently hit me with.

Matthew 10:37-39: "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. "

And I realize it has all to do with my willingness to go further. To go after what Jesus has really called me to, and in fact what He has called us all to. To take up our cross, and follow Him. I have been asking God what my cross is and He has been graciously allowing me to see it part by part with a big picture in mind. I am slowly losing my life so I can really find it!!! Losing it to what? Well if you really think about it, nothing it is all gain in the end. But I lose it to carrying my cross.