Missing You

Chuch, I am fairly certain you can't read this. I understand your doing better than the rest of us right now. No more pain or suffering. Joy everlasting. All life's questions answered. And all that still pales in comparison to getting to be there with Jesus. "Make heaven" you kept telling everyone. I hope that legacy has had an impact in many lives and you get to see all those people someday there in heaven with you. I'd love to meet some of them.

But I miss you terribly. The last 3+ years without you haven't been the same, though I suppose they aren't going to be. Christmas is missing something. You and I would send pictures of our trees and decorations to each other. Now some of the decorations you used are at my house. You helped make Christmas special for the kids too. I'm not sure how much Trinity remembers but I know Gideon does. They still have some of those toys. The tricycle you got for Gideon became Trinty's favorite until she outgrew it. Sad to sell it but you know better than the rest of us it is all just stuff anyway.

Uncle Mick gave me your cell phone. I can't afford to have my own phone so it is nice to have. It doesn't have a plan on it but I keep it. There is a free service that allows me to use it on wifi. Also I took a sabbatical in January and purchased a prepaid for the month. It was good to have to use and remind me of you.

Church is going well. We are staying faithful to what we believe God has called us to do and we love doing it. Not saying it doesn't have it's tough times but that's life right? It has it's ups and downs. We have faith in God that the best is yet to come.

I have the candle you gave me in the living room. I am glad it is battery powered. I get to use it and not use it up.

So what I really want to say though isn't about the stuff because. What I want to say is my heart hurts so much since your gone. It is heavy with pain and grief. I'd like to know why Jesus said it was time or if it really was. I'd really wish we had more time together. I am sorry I didn't stay at your house when we visited Florida. Uncle has welcomed us the last couple times we've been down. But it's not the same place without you. I so want to give you a HUGE HUG right now...  I cannot even begin to express the hurt I feel. I know I'll see you again but for now I want to see you now. I want to eat a Haggen Daas Ice cream with you. I want you to see Trinity and Gideon growing up. You'd be so proud of them! I want to go to Red Robin with you and get you another tornado glass since yours broke on the way home. I miss the moments we shared. The phone calls and the being your tech guy to keep your computer running. Logging onto your computer remotely and playing message in a bottle on it for you to hear in the other room.

AHHHHH!!! I want scream. IT HURTS! I am not sure what to do from here. I am not sure how to get through to the other side but I am trusting God to get me there.

I love you Chuch and miss you. I know you don't get this but I don't type this for you, I do this for me.